As I look back on the last several years, I can see times when my husband’s behavior was odd, when things didn’t seem quite right. At the time, however, I thought it was just him having a love for sports and it was his hobby.
But after I received a call from a detective in 2023 telling me about things that my husband had done, my world was turned upside down.
I have been with my husband for 14 years. I knew that he was into sports gambling since his college days but hadn’t thought much about it.
Three years ago, he had a significant win with one of the sports gambling accounts. I said, “Great! Let’s take this win and move on so it doesn’t become a problem” From that point on, I always tried to have conversations about the list of things we could do and which ones to prioritize. But he didn’t want to make concrete plans, always saying something like, “Yea, yea … we can talk about it later.”
About a year later, a friend of mine said she wanted to talk with me. She informed me that my husband had another big win, which he hadn’t told me about. My husband’s family also informed me that he’d borrowed money from them. This was the start of when things started to fall apart.
Trips to the mailbox became traumatic as late bill notices became common. Our power was shut off from not paying the electric bill. My husband’s mother started getting calls from debt collectors. I didn’t understand all of this, as I assumed we had all this money going back to his big win.
Several months after that, I received the call from the detective that changed my life. He told me my husband had committed some illegal acts over the last year. I was shocked. I could’ve never imagined my husband going to such extreme lengths such as stealing private information to obtain money.
The next half year was filled with uncertainty. While we waited to see what legal charges might be coming and the implications, my husband kept getting new jobs — and kept getting fired. Somehow, people kept finding out and news would spread to his new employers. We were in survival mode, not knowing what our future looked like.
During this time, my husband started going to Gamblers Anonymous meetings while I started attending Gam-Anon. Gam-Anon became my rock through all of the uncertainty. It’s taught me that you have to take one day at a time and that you can only control what you can control.
Charges finally came. My husband was convicted of six felony charges, including identify theft and business theft. He was sentenced to nine months in jail and five years’ probation. He ended up being eligible for electronic monitoring instead of jail time, still our lives have been forever changed.
Almost as bad as the charges were how we were treated at the hearings. My biggest fear was that everyone in our small community would find out. Many showed up at the hearings, and I remember how upsetting it was when someone laughed out loud when “gambling addiction” was mentioned.
The emotional impact of this has been immense. I was devastated and kept it to myself for almost five months, only telling a few people I could trust. I remember crying in the bathroom between the classes that I taught. It breaks my heart that my husband will never be able to practice in his field again.
While my trust in him has been very slow to come back, I’m optimistic about the future. I’m able to handle things better. I set boundaries, control finances and always know where my husband is.
For those reading this who have been affected by someone with a gambling problem, I would say this: When you’re in the thick of it and scared, know that things will eventually get better, and take advantage of the resources that are available, the best being sharing your story and hearing others stories. There is hope.