MINNESOTA PROBLEM GAMBLING HELPLINE 1-800-333-4673 (HOPE) • TEXT "HOPE" TO 53342 • CHAT NOW ONLINE info@mnapg.org

Gambling Addiction

CONCERNED OTHERS

Problem gambling is the Elephant in the Room.

Let’s Talk about it.

It’s not just the gambler with the problem who’s at risk. Families suffer in silence, often too ashamed to confront the elephant in the room. For every gambler, eight to ten others experience gambling- related harms.

FAMILIES AND CONCERNED OTHERS OF THOSE LIVING WITH GAMBLING ADDICTION

Family, friends and co-workers may experience the negative impacts of one’s addiction long before the gambler seeks help, if they do at all. Families often express disbelief and shock when they learn their family member has gambled away their life savings. In addition to the financial impact, families may also feel intense shame as a result of the loved one’s gambling addiction.

In Minnesota, help is available for families with someone who has a gambling addiction, usually at no cost. Families may seek 12 hours per year with a state–approved counselor, regardless of whether the gambler seeks counseling. They may also seek free help through the Financial Choice services of LSS Financial Counseling.

 

Get the Support You Need.
Confidential Financial Counseling.

We understand that problem gambling can strain finances. That’s why we’ve partnered with Lutheran Social Services counselors to provide a valuable, no-cost resource for those experiencing financial issues from gambling, whether you are the gambler or a family member: Financial Choice services through LSS Financial Counseling.

What Can I do?

I’ve discovered my spouse/friend has a gambling addiction
Determine ways in which you can keep your family assets safe. Seek advice from an attorney and/or financial planner.

If you’re in a safe relationship, start the conversation.

If you have children, talk with them with age-appropriate explanations.

Connect with Gam-Anon This peer support group is specifically for families who have been harmed.
Know that you are not alone. Many families have walked this path and through their own recovery process have reclaimed their lives. Read their stories.

Seek help. No-cost counseling is available to families. Find a provider near you or use telehealth services.

Consider adding an online blocking tool like Gamban or Betblocker to your mobile devices and computers.

Progression of Gambling Addiction on Families

Much like the problem gambler, there are distinct phases that families and concerned others experience. These phases and their characteristics are included below

1. DENIAL PHASE
  • Makes excuses for gambling
  • Considers gambling temporary
  • Assumes gambling is socially accepted
  • Accepts increased gambling
  • Enjoys rewards from gambling: gifts, trips, time together, share winnings
  • Questions unpaid bills
  • Keeps concerns to self
  • Easily reassured
  • Accepts remorse of gambler
  • Experiences relief when finances improve
2. STRESS PHASE
  • Spouse spends less time with family
  • There are more arguments
  • Spouse feels rejected
  • Attempts made to control gambling
  • Bailouts provided
  • Feels isolated
  • Bills are late
  • Loss of intimacy experienced
  • There is insecurity about future
3. EXHAUSTION PHASE
  • Intense resentment
  • Confusion
  • Impaired thinking
  • Physical symptoms
  • Immobilization
  • Rage
  • Doubts about sanity
  • Anxiety and panic
4. HOPELESSNESS PHASE
  • Suicidal thoughts and attempts
  • Arrests
  • Divorce
  • Increased alcohol consumption
  • Emotional breakdown
  • Withdrawal symptoms

EFFECTS OF gambling addiction ON FAMILIES AND THE COMMUNITY

GAMBLING ADDICTION IS A PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE. Why? It not only impacts the individual gambler, but results in harms to families, friends, work colleagues and the overall community. As gambling expands with online gaming and sports betting, more and more people have easy access to gambling and potential to experiencing harms through gambling and risk potential harms.

Gambling problems can have profound impacts on the family. Families are often shocked to learn how much money has been lost. Some relationships do not survive a gambling addiction, while other families struggle through difficulties and work to grow stronger together.

Family members should avoid making important decisions about family relationships while under stress. Given that people can and do recover from gambling addiction, counseling can help you explore your options and determine what is best for you and your family.

Living with a loved one’s gambling problem can be emotional and stressful. The following are normal reactions that can enable the gambler or help to hide the problem:

  • A desire to be perfect or “pick up the slack”
  • Feeling the need to keep everyone happy and show them they are not the cause of the problems
  • Rebelling to draw negative attention away from the gambler
  • Expressing apathy, withdrawal or isolation
  • Trying to make the gambler feel guilt or shame
  • Being defensive
  • Making apologies to family, friends or coworkers
  • Becoming controlling, trying to set limits physically or emotionally on the gambler
  • Blaming the gambler
  • Falling into severe depression

As you try to sort out your reactions, begin by thinking about the effect another person’s gambling is having on your life. And remember, help is available for family members who are close to a problem gambler.

If you think you are depressed or overly anxious, speak to your family doctor or other health care professional. Be sure to tell them about the gambling problem.

Physical and Emotional Abuse
Domestic violence happens most often when families are in crisis. Gambling problems can lead to the physical or emotional abuse of a partner, parent or child. If this is happening in your family, seek help right away.

Back to tab

Since gambling and gambling-related activities are frequently carried out during work hours, coworkers are often in the best position to spot employees with gambling problems.

The workplace is primarily affected through lost time, lost productivity and, in desperate situations, the gambler may resort to theft.

Signs of a possible gambling problem in the workplace:

  • Work performance deteriorates as the person is preoccupied, has trouble concentrating, is absent or late for meetings and misses assignment deadlines.
  • There are frequent unexplained absences or disappearances from work.
  • The person is eager to organize and participate in betting opportunities.
  • Pay is requested in lieu of vacation time and large blocks of vacation time are not taken.
  • The gambler frequently borrows money and may argue with co-workers about money owed to them.
  • The person complains about mounting debts.
  • Excessive personal calls are made.
  • Mood swings take place from winning and losing streaks.
  • Credit card or loan bills are mailed to work rather than home.
  • More time is spent gambling during lunch hours and coffee breaks.
  • False claims are made against expense accounts.
  • Theft of company property takes place.

Gambling addiction should be acknowledged in one’s employee assistance plan. Human Resources departments should have further information.

For every individual with a gambling addiction the lives of at least seven other people are adversely affected. Parents, spouses, brothers, sisters, children, employers and fellow employees must deal with the impact of gambling addiction. There can be significant social impacts resulting from gambling addiction which can generate “hard” economic costs for states, communities and individuals.

The National Council on Problem Gambling estimates that gambling addiction carries an annual cost of $7 billion in bankruptcy, co-occurring disorders and crime.

Other impacts on the community include:

  • domestic violence, neglect of children and family and senior abuse,
  • relationship break-ups/divorce,
  • job loss, unemployment,
  • debt, bankruptcy,
  • eviction-forced home sales or foreclosure,
  • embezzlement, fraud, check forgery,
  • crime, arrest, incarceration,
  • poor physical and mental health, and suicide.

Back to tab

Gambling addiction causes severe financial, emotional, social and sometimes physical problems for the gambler and their family. Coping with the negative consequences of gambling addiction can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of shame, guilt and hopelessness.

The National Council on Problem Gambling has reported that about 20% of those diagnosed with disordered gambling attempt suicide – a higher percentage than any other addictive disorder. Family members of people with gambling problems are also at a higher risk of suicide for many of the same reasons. Some studies suggest that the worse the addiction, the more likely it is that the gambler will attempt suicide.

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call the national suicide helpline number at 1-800-273-8255, call the Minnesota Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-333-HOPE or text “HOPE” to 53342.

COMMUNICATION

Communication between and within families
Frequently, family members are in denial. Some may think they are helping by bailing out the gambler without seeing the ramifications it has for the spouse or children. Additionally, lack of communication is an emotional strain and isolating for concerned others.

Social implications
Unfortunately, there continues to be a lot of shame and stigma about gambling disorder. Families are reluctant to discuss the situation openly and honestly. Keeping this secret is yet another stress. One way to alleviate some of the stress is connecting with a trusted community elder or faith leader, who can offer support in a safe space.

Honesty
Most benefit from having someone facilitate those initial conversations. Family counseling is available at no cost in Minnesota, even if the gambler refuses to seek help.

Back to tab

To start a conversation:

  • Choose a time when there are no distractions and it’s a comfortable place to have a conversation.
  • Let the gambler know you care about them and tell them you’re concerned about how they’re acting.
  • Explain exactly what they have done that concerns you.
  • Share how their behavior is affecting other people – be specific about what you expect from them (“I want you to talk to someone about your gambling”) and what they can expect from you (“I won’t cover for you anymore”).
  • After you’ve shared your observations and feelings, allow them to respond. Listen with a non-judgmental attitude
  • Let them know you are willing to help, but don’t try to counsel them yourself.
  • Provide information, not advice.

Next steps:

  • Encourage the family member to take positive steps to deal with their gambling.
  • Make steps to seek counseling. Call 1-800-333-HOPE and/or attend a help group (Gambler’s Anonymous, SMART Recovery, etc.)
  • Consider asking the gambler to self-exclude from local gambling venues
  • If online gambling is an issue, get a free subscription to Gamban or BetBlocker.
  • Consider a True Link credit card to protect spending.
  • Seek financial consultation or counseling. Free financial counseling for families affected by person with a gambling problem can also get help through the Financial Choice services of LSS Financial Counseling.
  • Families are eligible for free counseling in Minnesota, whether or not the gambler is willing to seek help. Call the Minnesota Problem Gambling Helpline at 1-800-333-HOPE or text “HOPE” to 53342.

Back to tab

Tools and Resources

Families should seek financial counseling, with or without the gambler, as they need to protect themselves. Here are some things families can do:

Develop a financial plan which compares expenses and debt with income

Limit the gambler’s access to credit. Apply for credit in your name only

Limit the gambler’s access to cash; create daily limits

Investigate other financial tools that can help to protect the family and their assets

Develop strategies to address financial limitations

Identify debt list

View or Request

MNAPG Brochures

3 Questions

to ask if you think your gambling is starting to be a problem.

Take Our Quiz

How does your gambling compare with other Minnesotans?
Translate »