My name is Austin Strom, and I am a gambling addict. I am 24, and for the last seven years, gambling has been my life.
Gambling runs in my family. My parents and grandparents, who had their own gambling battles, would often gamble. I have numerous memories of them arranging a baby sitter to watch me when they would go out gambling.
So not surprisingly, when I had an assignment called “If I had 100 dollars!” in kindergarten or first grade, my response was “I would go to the casino!”
In high school, I would occasionally partake in friendly sports wagers involving my team against my friends’ teams. I would also play Blackjack with friends without betting money, but the objective never changed: win the game.
The day I turned 18 was long anticipated. I went to the casino with my parents and grandmother that day. I didn’t have the best luck, but since it was my birthday and my parents didn’t want me to lose on my birthday, they kept adding money in hopes of turning the tide. I don’t remember how that day played out, but I do remember spending about 12 hours at the casino, losing all I had with me. For the next month, I went to the casino multiple times, including a two-night stay by myself at the hotel. Other than a few hours of sleeping, the rest of the time was spent at the Blackjack tables. I remember one day all I had to eat was a piece of pizza because to me eating was time away from the table.
I was then introduced to websites such as DraftKings and Bovada, where I could partake in daily fantasy sports. Before switching to actual sports betting, I lost several thousand dollars on fantasy sports. I would spend the next two years betting on sports weekly, if not daily. I would wait until the day I got paid, just to eventually drain my account and wait two weeks for the next paycheck. By this time, all of my gambling, which also included blackjack, was done online and I rarely went back to a casino.
Once Covid hit and the accompanying shutdowns, I had no shortage of free time. By this time, my minimum bet was already at least ten times more than when I started. When I ran out of money, I learned about online personal loans. I took out a $1,500 loan and planned to make enough money to pay it off before my next paycheck. But that didn’t work out and I borrowed more and more, eventually owing up to $30,000 over a three-week period.
By this time, I was determined to keep the addiction to myself so that nobody would try to encourage me to stop. This pressure, combined with anxiety and depression I had struggled with for much of my life, brought me to consider suicide. This led to one of a few trips to the emergency room for personal safety.
At this time, I was ready to get the help that those around me had suggested, or so I thought. I enrolled in Gamblers Choice, essentially a 12-step program for gamblers. But my addiction continued, even while it was harder to hide. I came to realize that the program wasn’t something I wanted to do or what I was ready for at the time.
I continued to gamble, but eventually went to inpatient treatment at Project Turnabout in Granite Falls. I met great people who understood what I was going through. It also showed me that this addiction doesn’t care where you come from or what you do. My mindset improved but I left after three weeks, rather than stay for the full 30 days I was supposed to do. I re-enrolled in Gamblers Choice but would continue to gamble until Oct. 9, the day I placed my last wager. At this point, I had lost everything I could possibly lose, including my best friend. I was left with two choices — end it all or give it 60 days without gambling and see if living without gambling was something I could do.
I was assigned a “Goodbye Gambling” letter in my Gamblers Choice group, and I believe that really got me to a new place. Since then, I’ve really looked at everything after that as a new life. I’ve had to and am still currently rewiring my brain’s definition of fun. Sure, the highs aren’t as high as they were when I was gambling, and they may never be that way. However, that also means the lows aren’t as low as they were while I was gambling, and that’s a trade I will take every day of the week. My entire outlook on life has changed since I’ve quit gambling. I’ve got a new hope towards life and what’s to come that excites me. I’m definitely a different person than I was even just several months ago. My gratitude for everything life has to offer has grown substantially, and none of that would have happened had I still been gambling. That’s why it’s important that I just don’t gamble today.
If you or somebody you know is struggling with a gambling addiction, please reach out for help. Do it for yourself. So often we see this message and just let it slide by without giving it any thought.
As dark as it may seem, I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. Let the journey of recovery be that light for you, like it was mine and so many others. I leave you with this: “Sometimes when you’re in a dark place it feels like you’ve been buried alive. But perhaps, you’ve just been planted and now is your time to bloom.”