In Their Own Words – Judy’s Story

Nov 12, 2024 | PROBLEM GAMBLING, STORIES

When I look back on the ups and downs of my struggle with compulsive gambling, I sometimes think back to the first time I was bailed out of my debt. When my parents learned about my gambling problem, they asked how much I owed. They subsequently paid off my debts, and while that solved the immediate anxiety I had about money, it did nothing to help me with a gambling problem that I would struggle with for the next 20 years.

There was no history of gambling in my family. While I remember cake walks as a kid, when you might win something, and the times my grandmother would let me deposit a ticket for a raffle, that wasn’t anything serious. I also remember my father placing minimal bets on horses at Ascot, but I was just thrilled to be there and couldn’t have cared less about betting.

My compulsive gambling started after I went with my friends to casinos around 1990. This was when gambling became more available as casinos opened on reservations. It was probably about three years later — when I’d taken time off for surgery, didn’t want to be home for any work calls and started going to casinos for an escape —that I started to gamble compulsively, though I didn’t recognize it as that at the time.

At first, at the casinos, I generally played cards but at some point I moved to playing the machines. They were faster paced and I found them more exciting. Eventually, I started going to the casinos more often, usually alone, and would gamble more each time.

This was also at a time when it was easy to get credit cards and I quickly racked up a lot of debt taking cash advances on credit cards. Eventually, it became difficult to pay my bills. Shortly thereafter, I became depressed and started to have suicidal thoughts. As I drove around the Twin Cities, I’d look at a bridge abutment and think that I could drive into it and that nobody would ever know about my gambling behavior. But I figured if I didn’t kill myself, things would just be worse.

The suicidal thoughts spurred me to seek help. I met with a behavior health professional, who suggested I attend a Gamblers Anonymous (GA) meeting.  At the time, I had no idea there was such a thing as a compulsive gambler. I remember breaking down and crying at my first GA meeting appreciating how sympathetic and empathetic everyone was. They encouraged me to keep coming to meetings.

It was at this time when my parents learned of my gambling problem — and gave me money to settle outstanding debts. Yet even with the bailout, my getting professional help and attending GA meetings on and off, I continued to gamble — and continued to rack up more and more debt.

By 2007, my employer became wise to my manipulation of expense reports so that I could pay off my increasing debt. It was embarrassing to confess what I’d done, particularly given that I was an expert at my job and had a reputation for being responsible and never doing anything wrong. I ultimately quit my job in lieu of being fired. A friend drove me to Vanguard Center for Gambling Recovery two days later. I went back to GA for a year and participated in monthly meetings at Vanguard. I stayed away from gambling for a year.

But by the next year, I was back to gambling and not going to GA meetings. Over the next few years, things worsened. I kited funds until the banks caught up with me. Creditors came after me and, along with the IRS and the state of Minnesota, garnished my wages. My townhouse was foreclosed in 2012, and I began dipping into my 401K to make ends meet.

By 2015, I’d lost track of who I owed what, and I wrote a bad check at a casino. Rather than being prosecuted I was ordered to attend a budgeting class. I remember really wanting to tell the judge that I didn’t have a budgeting problem, but a gambling problem!

Behind Every Number, There’s a Story

May 22, 2024 | PROBLEM GAMBLING, STORIES

Note: The following article was written by Bill Stein, MNAPG staff writer, for this year’s Problem Gambling Awareness Month theme: Every Story Counts.

Each March, the National Council on Problem Gambling recognizes Problem Gambling Awareness Month (PGAM). It’s an opportunity to raise awareness about problem gambling and promote prevention, treatment and recovery services. This year’s PGAM theme is “Every Story Matters.”

As one who’s chronicled the gambling struggles — and recoveries — of nearly 50 Minnesotans over the last 15 years, I believe in the power of stories to bring the reality of this addiction to light and to demonstrate how treatment can change lives.

There are an estimated 250,000 problem gamblers in Minnesota. And for every problem gambler, countless other people in their orbit are affected, including family members, friends and coworkers.

But numbers are one thing. The real impact that gambling disorder has on the lives of our neighbors, our parents, our siblings and our friends is quite another.

The stories of the people impacted by gambling addiction paint a more complete, human picture of the destruction this addiction can bring as well as the triumphs of those who have faced their demons and are living full, productive, satisfying lives.

Gambling addiction is an equal opportunity disorder. Virtually anyone – men or women, young or old, and those from every religion, race and socio-economic background – is at risk for developing a gambling problem.

The stories of Minnesotans I’ve documented have reflected this tapestry. Consider these:

• A member of the Navy, who was among the boots on the ground in the Middle East, was faced with the challenge of coming home and trying to match the excitement and high-tempo routine he had become accustomed. The closest adrenaline rush he could find was gambling. He eventually developed an addiction and accompanying depression before he found the help he needed.

• “Tim” became a kind of celebrity in his town after he won $500 in a church picnic at age of seven. He chased that high of winning for 34 years. Then he entered inpatient treatment for his gambling and has since turned his life around.

• “Jean” was the gambling addict you’d never suspect. She wasn’t a video gamer, didn’t like football pools and didn’t play the stock market. She didn’t even start gambling until she was almost 50. It took being fired from her job (from stealing money to support a gambling habit) and serving a lengthy prison sentence until she confronted her addiction and began her recovery.

• “Cecelia” was five months pregnant when she learned about her husband’s gambling activity. It ultimately became such a problem that he lost his job, the couple’s only source of income. She sought help from Gam-Anon, which helps those whose lives are negatively impacted by a problem gambler. She educated herself about her husband’s gambling addiction and ultimately left the roller coaster life her husband’s gambling had caused. She is now thriving, and working to support others who have been through what she has.

• “Dick” was a self-professed straight arrow, a regular church-goer and a good family man with a well-paying job in management. But once pressures drove him to make frequent visits to the casino, things changed significantly. Dick ended up with large credit card debts and owing the government thousands of dollars in taxes.

• “Lori” rarely gambled until work stresses and unresolved childhood trauma drove her to gamble as often as she could. In time, she put gambling ahead of her home, her husband, her kids and even food for herself. Depressed and suicidal, she’d planned to end her life until an eagle swooped over her car as she took her son to visit his grandmother. She saw the eagle as a sign of hope, went online to find help and learned of the successful recoveries that others had had. She subsequently started the 30-day inpatient gambling program at Project Turnabout in Granite Falls and turned her life around.

While each of these stories is unique, they often have a lot in common. I’ve found that many of the recovering gamblers we highlight have these characteristics:

• A big win early in their life that creates a high they “chase” for years.

• Their gambling often occurs with other mental health conditions. For example, a gambling addict may also experience substance or alcohol abuse.

• They are typically either: 1. An “escape gambler” who gambles to escape life’s problems, or 2. An “action gambler” who may appear egotistical, successful and outgoing, and often prefers to play games involving skill, such as poker or sports betting.

• Relapses are often stops along the way in their overall recovery process.

There many other similarities, such as lying about money and time spent gambling, stealing to acquire money and a preoccupation with gambling. Many of the gamblers I’ve profiled have also attempted suicide, sometimes several times.

What also comes through when sharing the stories of problem gamblers is the pain they feel for what their gambling has caused others. They regret the lies they’ve told, the gift money they’ve squandered, the retirement savings they’ve spent and the way they’ve prioritized gambling over family, friends, relationships and jobs.

These are good, well-meaning people. They often didn’t know there was such a thing as gambling addiction, and if they did, they weren’t sure how or where to get help. They struggled to find other people who understood them.

In the end, after speaking to so many people, I’ve come away with great admiration for those who have turned around their lives — and great hope that the many others currently suffering from this devastating disorder can eventually become success stories of their own.